I grew up in the church and I learned very early what to say to God and what not to. I was taught that prayer was for worship, confession, and humble requests. It was not until I got to Bible College that I ever heard anything different. One of my professors said that God wants us to have a real intimate relationship with Him and He wants to know everything we have to say. That changed my prayer life a lot, but I still held back any of my negative feelings and emotions thinking that he definitely would not appreciate it.
It was also at this time in my life when I planned out my life and ministry. I had every detail planned out. It seemed to be the perfect path for me; however not a single one of my plans happened. Time passed and anger about God not coming through in regards to my plans became buried inside me. Year after year, I found my relationship with God becoming more and more difficult. I prayed, I read my Bible, yet all I felt was distance. I was told many times that it was normal for Christians to have desert times in their walk and to just continue on. It did not get better, in fact it kept getting worse. One day my cousin came over and sat on my couch, she said, “You have everything you have ever wanted in life.”
I responded immediately, and I was truly shocked by what came out, “I did not get everything I have ever wanted, trust me!” In that one statement, it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was angry with God. I explored this after she went home and realized that I had been angry with God but had never expressed it. I was angry because He did not allow any of my plans to happen. It seemed ridiculous at this point in my life to be angry with Him over that, because my plans were nothing in comparison with everything God has given me.
I wasn’t sure quite how to address this with God. As I was mulling it over, this saying came to my mind. “God doesn’t fall off of His throne when we are angry, He can handle anything we have to say to Him.” I then confessed my anger, repented, and thanked Him for giving me His best instead of mine. My desert ended that day. This experience taught me a lot about myself but also about God.
I can only have a real relationship with God if I am honest with Him. I can only be free when I know everything that holds me back. These two realizations have made the last 9 months of my life the best I have ever had in my whole life. There are still struggles, and difficulties; however the way I deal with them is completely different. I walk in peace and joy every day. What a gift! I am so blessed!
My challenge to you this week is to figure out if there is anything you have been scared or ashamed to talk to God about. Trust me, he wants to hear it. Even if you end up yelling at Him, He wants to hear it. Examine your heart and see if there is anything you need freedom from and He is always faithful to forgive us and restore us. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
It was also at this time in my life when I planned out my life and ministry. I had every detail planned out. It seemed to be the perfect path for me; however not a single one of my plans happened. Time passed and anger about God not coming through in regards to my plans became buried inside me. Year after year, I found my relationship with God becoming more and more difficult. I prayed, I read my Bible, yet all I felt was distance. I was told many times that it was normal for Christians to have desert times in their walk and to just continue on. It did not get better, in fact it kept getting worse. One day my cousin came over and sat on my couch, she said, “You have everything you have ever wanted in life.”
I responded immediately, and I was truly shocked by what came out, “I did not get everything I have ever wanted, trust me!” In that one statement, it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was angry with God. I explored this after she went home and realized that I had been angry with God but had never expressed it. I was angry because He did not allow any of my plans to happen. It seemed ridiculous at this point in my life to be angry with Him over that, because my plans were nothing in comparison with everything God has given me.
I wasn’t sure quite how to address this with God. As I was mulling it over, this saying came to my mind. “God doesn’t fall off of His throne when we are angry, He can handle anything we have to say to Him.” I then confessed my anger, repented, and thanked Him for giving me His best instead of mine. My desert ended that day. This experience taught me a lot about myself but also about God.
I can only have a real relationship with God if I am honest with Him. I can only be free when I know everything that holds me back. These two realizations have made the last 9 months of my life the best I have ever had in my whole life. There are still struggles, and difficulties; however the way I deal with them is completely different. I walk in peace and joy every day. What a gift! I am so blessed!
My challenge to you this week is to figure out if there is anything you have been scared or ashamed to talk to God about. Trust me, he wants to hear it. Even if you end up yelling at Him, He wants to hear it. Examine your heart and see if there is anything you need freedom from and He is always faithful to forgive us and restore us. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”