When Tara and Kelly Strickland met through an online dating site, she happened to be in his hometown of Winnipeg to support her brother through cancer treatment. That wouldn't be the last time God worked through painful circumstances to solidify their relationship.When they eloped 10 years ago, "We had no clue what we were getting into," recalls Kelly, who "never had a father figure to look up to." He wondered, "How is marriage supposed to be?"
When Tara was three, her mom left her with an abusive father. He remarried, and after they divorced, her loving stepmother raised her. Her example of marriage came from the previous generation: "Grandma taught us you stick it through."
After a few years, the Stricklands "hit rock bottom." A Family Life marriage conference "put God in our marriage; for the first time, it felt like he wasn't just 'up there,'" says Kelly.
Tara has emotional outbursts when "I'd see her go from 'You're the greatest guy' to 'You can't do anything right,'" says Kelly. "The big thing I learned there was, when Tara's upset, she's not my enemy."
When Tara was finally diagnosed and began treatment for bipolar disorder this year, it hit her how unwell she'd been. "God placed Kelly in my life because nobody else would have put up with it," she says.
On medication, Tara can recognize "the feeling" before the outburst. She signals Kelly, and no matter where they are, he takes her home.
Early in their relationship, he didn't tell her she was driving the wrong way down a one-way—to avoid her anger. "I used to ride the wave. I didn't want to fight because I didn't want to hurt her," says Kelly. "But I learned my silence was telling her she wasn't worth fighting for."
"Time by itself doesn't heal. She's learned to say 'Kelly, you're shutting down,' and I've learned we need to talk."
Loving through the struggle
When Tara discovered Kelly struggled with pornography, she called their counsellor Gerry Goertzen, who responded, "This isn't going to be the only man who's had this struggle. You have to hang on."
Tara explains how she came to terms: "I had to understand it wasn't about me; it was about addiction. And I had to leave it in God's hands. The last time we had to deal with it, I was angry, but the next day I was able to go to him and say, 'You need love more than anything.'"
"If it weren't for the people God put into our lives, there's no way we'd be together," says Kelly. Now Kelly and Tara are becoming that gift to others: they lead a small group of young couples at The Meeting Place, a church in Winnipeg.
And processing his addiction in Christian community has brought Kelly together with many men who're struggling. "We started sending text messages: 'How's the struggle?' Keeping it to yourself makes it worse," explains Kelly.
"It's made me realize how lucky I am to have my wife who's been more than patient with me," Kelly says.
On top of it all, the Stricklands lived through a period of unemployment, "wondering 'how will we pay our mortgage?'" recalls Kelly. "It should have been an amazingly stressful time, but it drew us closer."
"Every hurdle we've gone through has made our marriage stronger."
When Tara was three, her mom left her with an abusive father. He remarried, and after they divorced, her loving stepmother raised her. Her example of marriage came from the previous generation: "Grandma taught us you stick it through."
After a few years, the Stricklands "hit rock bottom." A Family Life marriage conference "put God in our marriage; for the first time, it felt like he wasn't just 'up there,'" says Kelly.
Tara has emotional outbursts when "I'd see her go from 'You're the greatest guy' to 'You can't do anything right,'" says Kelly. "The big thing I learned there was, when Tara's upset, she's not my enemy."
When Tara was finally diagnosed and began treatment for bipolar disorder this year, it hit her how unwell she'd been. "God placed Kelly in my life because nobody else would have put up with it," she says.
On medication, Tara can recognize "the feeling" before the outburst. She signals Kelly, and no matter where they are, he takes her home.
Early in their relationship, he didn't tell her she was driving the wrong way down a one-way—to avoid her anger. "I used to ride the wave. I didn't want to fight because I didn't want to hurt her," says Kelly. "But I learned my silence was telling her she wasn't worth fighting for."
"Time by itself doesn't heal. She's learned to say 'Kelly, you're shutting down,' and I've learned we need to talk."
Loving through the struggle
When Tara discovered Kelly struggled with pornography, she called their counsellor Gerry Goertzen, who responded, "This isn't going to be the only man who's had this struggle. You have to hang on."
Tara explains how she came to terms: "I had to understand it wasn't about me; it was about addiction. And I had to leave it in God's hands. The last time we had to deal with it, I was angry, but the next day I was able to go to him and say, 'You need love more than anything.'"
"If it weren't for the people God put into our lives, there's no way we'd be together," says Kelly. Now Kelly and Tara are becoming that gift to others: they lead a small group of young couples at The Meeting Place, a church in Winnipeg.
And processing his addiction in Christian community has brought Kelly together with many men who're struggling. "We started sending text messages: 'How's the struggle?' Keeping it to yourself makes it worse," explains Kelly.
"It's made me realize how lucky I am to have my wife who's been more than patient with me," Kelly says.
On top of it all, the Stricklands lived through a period of unemployment, "wondering 'how will we pay our mortgage?'" recalls Kelly. "It should have been an amazingly stressful time, but it drew us closer."
"Every hurdle we've gone through has made our marriage stronger."
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